Yesterday, I shared a little with you of how God wrenched an area of pride from me in order to make me more into the person He wants me to be. But it wasn't easy; I fought it for a long time. I shared how my husband and I moved away and hung on to our old house for two and half years because we couldn't sell it. The housing market was completely devastated and saturated with foreclosures, which cause our home to lose half its value. Do you know how awful it is to hear that your home is only worth half of what you bought it for knowing that you cannot possibly make up for the loss? When I finally gave a piece of my pride to God, I was able to accept that the only way we could get rid of the home was to work with the bank and do a short sale. It was a waiting game before we could put it on the market and then it was a waiting game to get a nibble on the home. But, we finally got an offer right after Christmas only to have the potential buyers revoke their offer a week later. That was so hard to swallow because we lost some precious time in the process and only had a few weeks left to sell the home before the bank would take it back. My prayer had been that God would put the person in the home that He wanted and I continued to pray that prayer.
One day as I was praying that prayer, I felt God speak to my heart, "Do you really want the right person in your home? Even if it meant that you would lose the home?" I didn't like that question and said, "God you wouldn't want that for us! You are just testing my answer." The question really hurt me because surely God wouldn't do that to us! And then I knew in my heart that He wanted me to give Him a truthful answer and shouldn't be concerned with whether or not it was a test. I also knew in my heart that if that was what God wanted that I would surrender to His will and let Him have it. I said, "I hope that is not what it takes, but yes I am willing." In all honesty, I felt like a weight was lifted because I was no longer struggling with God over the house. I knew that God would do what was best.
The story I am looking at today is a significant moment in Jacob's life because he wrestled with God and received a new identity; please read Genesis 32:22-32. Yesterday, I looked at Jacob's fear of his brother but he followed God's direction and walked into his greatest fear. The night before meeting Esau and his 400 soldiers, Jacob slept alone and wrestled with a man all night long. Even more significant is that the man had to finally hurt him to get him to stop wrestling. He blessed Jacob by naming him Israel, which means God fights and then went on his way. That moment changed Jacob by taking away his identity of grabbing at the heel or to deceive and gave him a name that reminded him that God would fight for him.
This story made me think of what I recently been through because I kept fighting with Him wanting to please my pride with our home. I wasn't willing to let it go even if in the long run it would be best. I covered it up by praying a very noble prayer of asking Him to put the person in the home that He wanted there - someone who would minister to our previous neighbors. But God's question really hurt me because He was shining light on what was really in my heart. God had to ask me a question that really hurt in order to show me that it was time to stop wrestling. He showed me that for as noble as my words sounded, my heart still wanted what was best for me. In His question, I realized that His plan may not be the grand miracle I was hoping for but that I would still be okay. I was done. I was done wrestling with God and holding on to my pride. I was done wrestling with God telling Him how things should turn out. And I walked away a new person.
Are you wresting with God right now? Are you willing to surrender to His will?
This post is linked with On Your Heart Tuesday and Soli Deo Gloria.