For those of you who know me, you know that for almost two years I have struggled with chronic migraines. That means that I often have more migraine and headache days than migraine-free days in a month. I was pretty much blindsided by them; I had been noticing my migraines were happening more often but one day a migraine hit and never went away until I made it in to a neurologist. The change was so drastic, it felt like a switch had been flicked in me. I was completely unprepared for how my life would change from that day on.
My energy has been drained from constantly battling and recovering from one migraine to the next while continuing to work. I've watched my amazing husband pick up more responsibility around the house because I am often too drained in the evenings to do much else. Even my kiddos have been so patient and loving, grabbing me ice packs for my head when they can see it is a particularly bad migraine. And, I have just learned to function through certain levels of pain because I have so many people that are praying for me. Honestly, those prayers are why I make it - it is not my strength, but God's!
But, these nasty migraines have stolen a lot from me. They have stolen freedom to be reliable - who knows when the migraine that really knocks me off my feet is going to hit? They have stolen the freedom to play flute whenever I want - playing flute often triggers a migraine. They have stolen the freedom to write on this blog.
So, when I was hearing God's prompting to write again, it seemed like He was telling me to do the impossible. You see, when I wrote before these migraines were chronic I had a regular, very early time each morning to do it which doesn't work with my current situation. I had a plan of what topic I was writing about and where I was going - that is kind of foggy right now. I had a head that didn't hurt and could think through things very clearly - I do not have that at the moment. I am tired even without getting up early, I don't know when the pain will keep me from writing, and I just don't see how it is possible.
But that is where God gets to be God. I've been wondering how I would write my first post after being absent for so long, and then I opened my email to see this verse from a friend:
"Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21
Aah...it isn't about me or you or anyone else for that matter. None of what we do for God is about us; it is all about Him. He is the one who will equip us with everything good for doing His will - how wonderful that thought is to me! We can let go of all the things we can't do and even the things we can do because He will give us what He sees that we need for the moment. But He doesn't just stop there - He also works in us what is pleasing to Him. The NLT uses the word, produce instead of work, helping us see that God is producing the things in us that please Him! He doesn't expect us to just do this on our own; He does it in us - amazing!
Knowing that, I can trust that God will do the impossible in me so I can just do for Him.
This post is linked with Teaching What is Good and Sharing His Beauty.